mE To aLL

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

It's hard

It's easy to listen, it's easy to smile, to laugh, to cry, to act, to love, to dare, but it never been easy to feel. You can fool people, and you can even fool your mind, but you can never fool your heart. Please you have to know this. A heart is not a red piece of blood and flesh, that is responsible for your circulatory system. A heart is where all the feelings gather and meet, I guess that's obvious and known to many people, and thanks God for that. But what was not obvious to people is that a heart can actually think, behave and act, you might agree on this but at the same time you can't remember the last time you thought from your heart, you just know it but you actually don't really consider it or maybe you believe that the brain is safer for you, I can understand that. But you should understand as well, that the heart could be the reason why your brain can become with so much brilliant ideas. If you're a doctor, what makes you want to save every patient? Isn't it the fear of failing, if that your case, can that fear come from your brain? You're a lawyer, what makes you want to put the criminal in prison? Is it you brain who tells you that the criminal should be in prison for life, or is it the feeling of righteousness that tells you that. So, you're nothing without your heart, it's like your refrigerator without an electricity. You see all this civilizations, all this high sky buildings, all this beautiful cities at night, all this technology, they all worth absolutely nothing without an electricity. The same thing with yourself. So far, it's easy for you to understand all this, but it's so hard for you to use it. Your heart always think that you should be a doctor so people will respect you, your heart always think that you should be a lawyer so people will think you're smart and very needed in particular times. But your heart have never thought that you should be a lawyer for defending justice, not defending for who does pay you money. Your heart never thought that you should be a doctor to help every poor one who have no health insurance to guarantee his or her life, not only for those who have insurance or the very important persons in the city. So it's hard, it's hard to fool your feelings, I know that your heart think about it at least for a second, but your smart brain keep ignoring it, it's hard to leave all the so called education institutions and start to believe in something with no math for it. But it's even harder to live in falsehood, it's even harder for not becoming someone that your heart know it's the best for you. Life is cruel, and life is in your heart, don't let your heart cruel, don't let your heart like what the world is today. Harsh, judgmental and violent. To me, that's the hardest way of life that a human being can ever live. I can understand why people want to live a negative lifestyle, it's safer. But what's safer really means to you? To me, as long as I live the lifestyle that my honest heart know it's the pure best, this is the safest way to me, even if the whole world are against me, at least I'll dye smiling.

Death is not that bad

Why am I dying to live if I'm only living to dye? Sometimes I don't think about death, it's like there's no death, or it's too far, maybe 'till then, there would be a new device that will make us live for ever, or at least longer. Anyway, I forget death, I don't think about death, it's good actually, but in what way exactly? Is it because I'm afraid of death, and the idea of it scares me. Or is it because I think that death is a necessarily ending for me, for all of us. I had a problem before, I used to stay calm when students beat me and push me, I used to shut my mouth when the baker give the bred to another buyer who came after me, I used to prefer to stay out of problems because I might end up in a hospital. Then, I've grew up, I've changed, I've realized that the fear inside me couldn't let me feel free, happy and safe. I've become to know that I'm part of this life, part of this disease. So I should deal with it, I should fight, I should educate myself, arm myself, and be prepared all the time. If I don't do this, who will educate me? Who will protect me? Who will be there ready to help me? I won't let some government tells me how to think or how to act, it's my life, not theirs. I was tired from people telling me to drink this, eat this, don't do this, don't go there, don't buy this, don't get married, or, it's early for you, it's too much for you, leave it to professionals, scientists know better, live normal, get a life, don't bother yourself. And I hate this one the most ''why you care man?''.

However, I lived an illusion life, a negative lifestyle, because I was afraid, I was afraid of going out at night so I wouldn't get stabbed by a thief, I used to live in a great fear without realizing that I was a fool by being like this, I feel petty on myself when I remember these days. I thought if I do this, I'll live longer, I'll guarantee my life, but was I living? I rather to live one day like a man than to live a whole life like a coward. But I didn't know this, I was a kid, I used to listen to older people, watch them and observe them. Now, I'm 21 years old, and they were lost, thank God I'm not going to be like them, disturbed and worried all the time. They think that values are subjectives, something that should be left aside. Therefor, they can't tell what's really true and what's not, they only know how to fight to live, they work hard and harder but only few reach up around many, so they believe in luck, and I don't believe in luck. I look at the great figures through our history who gave their lives to send a true message, they have suffered but never stopped, and some of them died at a very young age, they've been threatened to dye but they were never afraid from death. This kind of people are still out there trying to tell us something, their lives are in jeopardy but no one cares as long as it's not him who's dying, or maybe the media don't want us to hear them.

So I don't care if I dye tomorrow, as long as I did what please my heart today. Why am I living and living for no good reason. To get a job in a company is not good enough, I want to make my own path, my own destiny. I'll keep living to fight 'till there's no reason to fight, I'll keep making better values. And be honest with myself if I'm living to please people or to please myself by making people pleased.

Let them shoot me, stab me, blow me. Death is death, I was born to dye, and I dye to live again, but I'll never dye again. It doesn't matter how long can I live, what matter is what have I done in my life, what reflects have I left. Because life it's too short, but my accomplishments could stay for thousands of years. I admit that death is a misfortune, yeah death is a great misfortune, but only for those who have done nothing in their lives except competing others. I also compete, but I compete to give more, to be a trustworthy, to speak the truth, to be loved even more. Not competing to have the fastest car, the nicest job, or to be a famous, or to be the funniest by telling lies.

To conclude, death would always wait for me on the finished line in a race competition, whether I was running fast or slow, the road have no other direction. So I'd rather to be ready than to fool myself by being slower.